Sometimes my heart just sinks when I realize how I've spoken to someone I love. And it's those I'm closest to, those two wonderful guys who are my heart and home, that it's easiest to let loose on.
People are often surprised when I share this with them. Maybe because I'm typically fairly mild-mannered? Well, let me tell you, we quieter people become angry, too. We are sinners like everyone else and have a tongue that needs controlling. And sometimes we choose not to.
The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and creatures of the sea are being tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. James 3:6-8
Did that just say, "but no man can tame the tongue?" Yep, that's what it says!
So, why try?
The note in my study Bible says that man can't do it, but it's a work of God. And God so very often works in our lives through His Word. The Bible has lots to say about us and our tongues. It's clear that we are not off the hook in doing our part to control our mouths!
Psalm 34:13
Keep your tongue from evil, And your lips from speaking deceit.
Psalm 37:30
The mouth of the righteous speaks wisdom, And his tongue talks of justice.
Psalm 39:1
I said, "I will guard my ways, Lest I sin with my tongue; I will restrain my mouth with a muzzle, While the wicked are before me."
Proverbs 10:31
The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, But the perverse tongue will be cut out.
James 1:26
If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one's religion is useless.
1 Peter 3:10
For " He who would love life
And see good days,
Let him refrain his tongue from evil,
And his lips from speaking deceit.
To name a few.
Anyway . . .
My beloved son is the unfortunate recipient of the majority of my uncontrolled words. We spend lots of time together, he and I. I home school him, which hubby and I are convinced is right for him at this time, but there are days where I feel like I absolutely am the most horrible example for him, ever! The very thing I expect of him--speaking with respect, wisdom, and love--is such a struggle for me way too often! We are two stubborn people trying to navigate our way through each day, sometimes Mom acting just as immaturely as Son.
I'm no expert, and all I have to offer any other struggling tongues is what I've learned along the way:
1. Stop! Engage the brain before speaking. The only way to do that is to not immediately speak, no matter how "incredible" the words on the tip of your tongue, dying to make their way out, might be. Just stop. Now. (James 1:19--a good memory verse. It's short, but packed with pertinent wisdom and truth!)
2. Pray. God wants to help us control our tongues. He wouldn't spend so much time talking about it in His Word if it wasn't important. He's never unwilling to help. We, however, might be unwilling to let go of whatever is in the way of receiving His help.
3. Let it go. Whatever it is. Pride, usually. It's not worth it.
4. Take time to form your words. It doesn't show weakness to need time to corral our tongues. In fact, we look more foolish in the end when we just let it fly!
5. Apologize. We will all continue to mess up sometimes. Whether it's an adult or a child we have sinned against with our tongues, we need to humble ourselves and take action to make things right. It's vital!
I'm not sure when or how it became a "good" thing for ladies to "speak their minds" in any tone of voice that suits them in the moment. It's probably been a gradual process over a number of years, as is most acceptance of sin as "cool." I think we wrong each other (and our daughters, granddaughters, nieces, etc.) if we encourage each other to be outspoken about anything and everything. It's one thing to speak courageously when God prompts us to do so. It's a completely different matter to run our mouths without engaging our brains, our knowledge of God's Word, our gentle tone of voice. It may give a woman or girl a sense of liberation or satisfaction to put someone in his/her place, but it is false liberation, false satisfaction. It's self-centered behavior and it does not glorify our God. True liberty comes from obeying Him!
Instead, let's encourage each other's efforts to speak to everyone in a God-pleasing way. That, of course, does not mean we will always make everyone happy with our words. There are times He asks us to confront another (and that happens especially often if we have children!), but we can choose to get our message across in a kind but firm manner. There's never an excuse for name-calling or berating another person. God is merciful to us and expects us to show mercy toward others. Even when we don't feel like it.
That's pretty much what it comes down to: not reacting with our feelings. We ought to think and make wise choices instead of just immediately reacting with the first words that form on our tongue. The more consistently we practice this, the more tame our tongues will become. Thank You, Lord, for that hope and for being willing to help us! :)
