The Attainable Tame Tongue

By Laurie Ness

Sometimes my heart just sinks when I realize how I've spoken to someone I love.  And it's those I'm closest to, those two wonderful guys who are my heart and home, that it's easiest to let loose on. 

People are often surprised when I share this with them.  Maybe because I'm typically fairly mild-mannered?  Well, let me tell you, we quieter people become angry, too.  We are sinners like everyone else and have a tongue that needs controlling.  And sometimes we choose not to.

The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body.  It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.  All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and creatures of the sea are being tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue.  It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.  James 3:6-8

Did that just say, "but no man can tame the tongue?"  Yep, that's what it says!

So, why try?

The note in my study Bible says that man can't do it, but it's a work of God.  And God so very often works in our lives through His Word.  The Bible has lots to say about us and our tongues.  It's clear that we are not off the hook in doing our part to control our mouths!

Psalm 34:13
Keep your tongue from evil, And your lips from speaking deceit.

Psalm 37:30
The mouth of the righteous speaks wisdom, And his tongue talks of justice.

Psalm 39:1
I said, "I will guard my ways, Lest I sin with my tongue; I will restrain my mouth with a muzzle, While the wicked are before me."

Proverbs 10:31
The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, But the perverse tongue will be cut out.

James 1:26
If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one's religion is useless.

1 Peter 3:10
For " He who would love life
And see good days,
Let him refrain his tongue from evil,
And his lips from speaking deceit.

To name a few.

Anyway . . .

My beloved son is the unfortunate recipient of the majority of my uncontrolled words.  We spend lots of time together, he and I.  I home school him, which hubby and I are convinced is right for him at this time, but there are days where I feel like I absolutely am the most horrible example for him, ever!  The very thing I expect of him--speaking with respect, wisdom, and love--is such a struggle for me way too often!  We are two stubborn people trying to navigate our way through each day, sometimes Mom acting just as immaturely as Son.

I'm no expert, and all I have to offer any other struggling tongues is what I've learned along the way:

1.  Stop!  Engage the brain before speaking.  The only way to do that is to not immediately speak, no matter how "incredible" the words on the tip of your tongue, dying to make their way out, might be.  Just stop.  Now.  (James 1:19--a good memory verse.  It's short, but packed with pertinent wisdom and truth!)

2.  Pray.  God wants to help us control our tongues.  He wouldn't spend so much time talking about it in His Word if it wasn't important.  He's never unwilling to help.  We, however, might be unwilling to let go of whatever is in the way of receiving His help.

3.  Let it go.  Whatever it is.  Pride, usually.  It's not worth it.

4.  Take time to form your words.  It doesn't show weakness to need time to corral our tongues.  In fact, we look more foolish in the end when we just let it fly!

5.  Apologize.  We will all continue to mess up sometimes.  Whether it's an adult or a child we have sinned against with our tongues, we need to humble ourselves and take action to make things right.  It's vital!

I'm not sure when or how it became a "good" thing for ladies to "speak their minds" in any tone of voice that suits them in the moment.  It's probably been a gradual process over a number of years, as is most acceptance of sin as "cool."  I think we wrong each other (and our daughters, granddaughters, nieces, etc.) if we encourage each other to be outspoken about anything and everything.  It's one thing to speak courageously when God prompts us to do so.  It's a completely different matter to run our mouths without engaging our brains, our knowledge of God's Word, our gentle tone of voice.  It may give a woman or girl a sense of liberation or satisfaction to put someone in his/her place, but it is false liberation, false satisfaction.  It's self-centered behavior and it does not glorify our God.  True liberty comes from obeying Him!

Instead, let's encourage each other's efforts to speak to everyone in a God-pleasing way.  That, of course, does not mean we will always make everyone happy with our words.  There are times He asks us to confront another (and that happens especially often if we have children!), but we can choose to get our message across in a kind but firm manner.  There's never an excuse for name-calling or berating another person.  God is merciful to us and expects us to show mercy toward others.  Even when we don't feel like it.

That's pretty much what it comes down to:  not reacting with our feelings.  We ought to think and make wise choices instead of just immediately reacting with the first words that form on our tongue.  The more consistently we practice this, the more tame our tongues will become.  Thank You, Lord, for that hope and for being willing to help us!  :)

The Lifeline

 By Laurie Ness


"O, Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief."  Psalm 143:1

The year 2013 has sought to hold my struggling head beneath the water's surface since day one.  The cruel, icy fingers of hidden secrets revealed began their work on Jan 1, when I found out the past sufferings of a loved one.  It was evil and vile and irreconcilable in my mind.  My heart and mind were tormented.  I felt a cold hand push me under even as I struggled against it.

A few days later, another hand--a strong, hopeless-feeling one--joined the first and, together, they sought to push my head further into the dark, airless depths as my own personal medical drama began to unfold.  Even as I write this my soul wants to cower in panic and my eyes flood because fear has almost always accompanied the unknown in my life.

God, where are you?  Grab my hand here, please!

Terror.  Guilt.  Confusion.  Hopelessness.  These have been my companions these first weeks of the new year. Some of the time, anyway.  They are "creepy" companions.  They creep into my life when I lose focus on the One who has defeated them.

Jesus Christ, the Word, is that One.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."  John 1:1

But then, as I opened my Bible and, choking back my fears and doubts and dreads, forced myself to read the words of life there, the creeps began to flee!  The Light of the World shone and scared them away.  For awhile.  Those creeps are persistent, but my Jesus and His Word bring victory every time!

"Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."  2 Corinthians 4:16-18

I've been once again reminded through these trials just how vital it is for a Christ-follower to be reading His Word.  It is a major lifeline!  To read it, to study it, to meditate upon it--to do these things for our spirits is like breathing fresh air in the sunshine is for our bodies.  Even better, because the Word of God is not tainted by anything!

The comfort of rediscovering verses I have highlighted and cross-references I have marked in my Bible is like none other.  Remembering the situations that led me to cling to some of those verses brings hope and reaffirms in my mind that my God is more reliable, loving and strong than anyone else ever could be.  He's working everything for good whether or not I feel like it!

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path."  Psalm 119:105

Everyone has times of deep sorrow or scary circumstances.  If we stay in His Word during the good times, we will be helped so much in the bad times, our diligence paying off big time!  God's Word is living and powerful to accomplish much.  Let's encourage each other to read, study and meditate on God's Word!

"For the word of God is living and active.  Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."  Hebrews 4:12

Maybe you haven't been a student of the Word, and don't know where to start?  Or would you just like some fresh ideas?  I love this video by Courtney at Women Living Well.  She gives some very practical and non-complicated tips.

Would you like some accountability with other ladies?  Check out the ladies' Bible studies available at SGC!  Click here or on the "Bible Studies" tab above this post.

Study on, ladies! :)

The Treasure of Surrender

By Laurie Ness

We have all heard about the wise men who visited Jesus sometime after His birth.  We are told (not by Scripture) that there were three of them, and most nativity scenes would have us believe they showed up at the same time as the shepherds.  The truth is that the Bible doesn't specify how many there were (only that there were three types of gifts) or exactly how long after Jesus' birth they found Him.

Here is what we do know for sure:

Now after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, magi from the east arrived in Jerusalem, saying, “Where is He who has been born King of the Jews? For we saw His star in the east and have come to worship Him.”  When Herod the king heard this, he was troubled, and all Jerusalem with him.  Gathering together all the chief priests and scribes of the people, he inquired of them where the Messiah was to be born. They said to him, “In Bethlehem of Judea; for this is what has been written by the prophet:

 ‘And you, Bethlehem, land of Judah,
Are by no means least among the leaders of Judah;
For out of you shall come forth a Ruler
Who will shepherd My people Israel.’”

Then Herod secretly called the magi and determined from them the exact time the star appeared.  And he sent them to Bethlehem and said, “Go and search carefully for the Child; and when you have found Him, report to me, so that I too may come and worship Him.”

After hearing the king, they went their way; and the star, which they had seen in the east, went on before them until it came and stood over the place where the Child was.  When they saw the star, they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy. After coming into the house they saw the Child with Mary His mother; and they fell to the ground and worshiped Him. Then, opening their treasures, they presented to Him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.  And having been warned by God in a dream not to return to Herod, the magi left for their own country by another way.  (Matthew 2:1-12)

We know the above details are true because they are in the Word of God!  Isn't it wonderful how we can trust and learn from His Word?

I want to be wise.  I'll bet you do, too!  What can we learn from these men who were known to be wise?

  
They studied.  They must have been students of at least portions of the Old Testament Scripture to know the prophecies of the birth of the King of the Jews.  Certainly they studied science/astronomy to be able to know the star to follow.  What can I do to be wise?  I can study Scripture and be knowledgeable about what is going on in the world around me!

They followed in obedience.  Some estimate that these men might have traveled 800-900 miles to find Jesus.  That's not something most people would do on a whim.  They were confident that the Lord would lead them in the right way.  They knew they were called by God to follow that star!  What can I do to be wise?  I can trust God's leading in my life and follow it, knowing He will never lead me astray.

They worshiped Jesus.  These men "rejoiced exceedingly with great joy," and, "fell to the ground and worshiped Him."  What can I do to be wise?  I can choose joy in every circumstance and purposefully worship the Lord every day--not just Sunday at church!

They gave Jesus their treasures.  

All of the above led to this moment.

Their treasures!

"But I don't have anything worth all that much," you might say.  I would say that same thing sometimes!

Is that what Jesus would say, though?  I mean, He made us, and He paid the price to redeem us!  Have we heard it so much that we forget what it really means?  The high, high price we could never pay on our own . . . we were doomed before He stepped in and suffered tremendously to pay it for us.

We are valuable to Him.  Our lives are the treasures we can choose to lay down at His feet.

"But all I feel like I have to offer right now are brokenness and loneliness," some might think.

So, lay it down.

Yes!  Lay it down at His feet!  Whatever it is that burdens you, He invites you to cast it on Him because He cares for you!  Depression.  Anger.  Addiction.  Bitterness.  Grumpiness.  Stress.   Anxiety.  Greed.  Impatience.  Attention-seeking.

None of the above sounds like treasure.
The treasure is in trusting our Savior enough to surrender it.  We don't deserve in our own right to be able to do that, yet it's what He offers us.  Not only does He offer, but He wants us to allow Him to carry our burdens.  He wants us to!

We don't have to travel hundreds of miles to unpack our "treasures" before Him.  Right now, wherever we are, He is before us.  Let's lay it down, sisters!

One Thousand . . . and more! . . . Gifts

By Laurie Ness

November!  Again!  How did it come back so quickly?  Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and it seems so appropriate to give some extra thought to gratitude this month.

Really, though, we should always be thinking of things to be thankful for.  It should be a natural part of our everyday lives.  After all, God supplies us with each breath we take, each opportunity to serve Him, each smile someone bestows upon us, not to mention provision for our every need.  There is always, always something to thank Him for, even in our most troubling times.

Earlier this year, I read Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts.  It's one of the most beautiful books I have ever read outside the Bible--maybe because it contains so much of God's Word and teaches/reminds us how to apply it.  Ann Voskamp is a farmer's wife, mother of six children, a survivor of deep wounds, and her words are poetic, moving, heart-wrenching, and joy-filled.

In her book, she writes about eucharisteo, the Greek word for giving thanks.  She challenges readers to start a list of 1,000 of God's gifts and to add to it every day.  What are you thankful for?  The sound of the crunch of leaves under your feet?  The five dollar bill you found in the laundry?  That your car started this morning?  Write it down!  He blesses us in endless ways, big and small.  I started this list immediately after I read the book (or maybe even during the reading of it), and it was an amazing experience!  Unfortunately, I allowed busyness to be an excuse to slack off on it--not a good thing.  I'm longing to return to it, and invite you to ask me if I have done so! ;)

The other day I heard Ann Voskamp speak (on a video) for the first time, and her voice is absolutely as beautiful as her written words.  There's nothing I can say on the topic of gratitude better than she can.  She is one of a kind.  So, my friends, I am going to treat you to a symphony of spoken words based on her written words, by sharing this video with you.  It's 22 minutes of wonderful.  Grab a mug of tea to warm your hands around and take the time to warm your heart with Ann's words.  Hear them!  Soak them in!  Live them!

Enjoy!  Be thankful!  Experience eucharisteo.

If the video isn't showing up on your screen, try clicking here.

If You're Free and You Know It . . .

by Laurie Ness

Everybody wants freedom, right?  Who doesn't want to be free?  No one wants to be a slave to fear or sin or past mistakes.  Right?

Maybe we would be surprised to realize how often we as believers choose that very thing:  Slavery.  Christ-followers are indeed free, because "...if the Son has set you free, you will be free indeed" (John 8:36), but do we always live as though we are free?  Sadly, the answer for probably everyone at one time or another is, "No."  Some maybe never choose to walk in the freedom that is theirs.

I've been thinking so much about "Satan's slavery vs Christ's freedom" in preparation for writing this devotional, and my mind keeps going back to something that has already been written.  I heard these words read at my sister's church years ago, and they often come back to mind.  I remember the tears rolling down my cheeks as I recognized the ways these words applied to me.  I simply can't say it any better, and I think the Lord may wish to speak through someone else in this column this month!  Enjoy . . .

Dr. Neil T. Anderson* writes:

Slavery in the United States was abolished by the 13th Amendment on December 18th 1865.
How many slaves were there on December 19th 1865? Well, in reality, there should have been none.  But many still lived like slaves, because they never learned the truth. Others knew and even believed that they were free but chose to live as they always had.

Several plantation owners were devastated by the Emancipation Proclamation. "We're ruined!"
they said. "Slavery has been abolished. We've lost the battle to keep our slaves." But their chief
spokesman slyly responded, "Not necessarily, as long as these people think they're still slaves, the Emancipation Proclamation will have no practical effect. We don't have a legal right over them anymore, but many of them don't know it. Keep your slaves from learning the truth, and your control over them will not even be challenged."

Once a cotton farmer asked, "But what if the news spreads?"

"Don't panic," was the reply. "We have another barrel in our gun. We may not be able to keep them from hearing the news, but we can still keep them from understanding it. They don't call me the 'father of lies' for nothing. We still have the potential to deceive the whole world. Just tell  them that they are going to be free, not that they are free already. The truth they heard is just positional truth, not actual truth. Someday they may receive the benefits, but not now."

"But they'll expect me to say that. They won't believe me," came the response.

"Then pick out a few persuasive ones who are convinced that they're still slaves and let them do the talking for you. Remember, most of these free people were born as slaves and have been slaves their whole lives. All we have to do is deceive them so that they still think they're slaves. As long as they continue to do what slaves do, it will not be hard to convince them that they must still be slaves.  They will maintain their slave identity because of the things they do. The moment they try to profess that they are no longer slaves, just whisper in their ears, 'How can you even think you are no longer a slave when you are still doing things that slaves do?'"

Years later, many had still not heard the wonderful news that they had been freed, so naturally
they continued to live the way they had always lived. Some heard the good news but told themselves, "I'm still living like a slave, doing the same things I have always done. My experience tells me that I must not be free. Everything is the same as before the Proclamation, so it must not be true. I must still be a slave." So they continued as if they had not received freedom!

Then one day, a former slave heard the good news and received it with great joy. He checked out the validity of the Proclamation and discovered that the highest of all authorities had originated the decree. Not only that, but it personally cost the authority a tremendous price so that slaves could be free. The slave's life was transformed. He reasoned that it would be hypocritical to continue living as a slave, even though his feelings told him he still was. Determined to live by what he knew to be true, his experiences began to change dramatically because he realized that his old master had no authority over him anymore, and he did not need to be obeyed. He was free, and he gladly served the one who set him free.

 Anderson, Neil, T. Victory Over Darkness, Ventura, CA, Regal Books, © 1990 and 2000, p. 86, 87

*Note:  As with any writer or speaker, we need to be comparing what we hear or read with what is in Scripture to make sure we are not blindly believing anything contrary to God's Word.  While I found this particular passage of an earthly author to be moving, I don't know enough about him to recommend (or not) his books in general.

Peace Beyond a Summer Breeze

By Laurie Ness

"Peace" is such a beautiful, tranquil word.  It causes me to remember quiet summer afternoons in my childhood, lying on the soft, fragrant green grass and watching fluffy white clouds lazily amble across an ocean-blue sky.  Even in my grown-up summers, there is still nothing like feeling the gentlest of warm breezes soothing my skin and moving through my hair to bring a sense of peace.  Sometimes I literally stop whatever I'm doing and just bask in the moment and thank the Lord for such a lovely blessing.

There are times in our lives, though, which are NOT so ideal.  We aren't children anymore, with endless summer days of freedom.  We aren't so innocent, so untouched by life's circumstances, so unaffected by the events of the world.  Now we are the ones who are trying to allow today's children to BE children, shielded as much as appropriately possible from the hurts and hardships, just like older generations did for us.

Can there possibly be peace in our hearts when we go through gut-wrenching trials in this life?  The world only seems to be spinning more and more out of control as we, humankind as a whole, focus less and less on God and live more self-centered lives.  Then there are the very personal struggles, which, to us as individuals, have nothing to do with the rest of the world.  When our loved one is so ill, or our child is in serious rebellion, or we don't know how we will make ends meet, or someone has betrayed us . . . the rest of the world's problems fade into oblivion as we experience our own very personal pain.

Is there any peace to be had?

Oh, yes, my friend, there is!

Great peace have they who love Your law, and nothing can make them stumble.  Psalm 119:165

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You.  Isaiah 62:3

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  John 14:27

So much of it starts in our own minds . . . in our own acts of obedience . . . in our own choice of attitudes.  Peace comes more naturally when we prepare ourselves  to choose it.

Last year at this time, my heart was breaking for my husband.  I mean, sometimes I felt like I couldn't bear the pain of what he was unjustly enduring.  The ache was always so very present.

But so was the peace!

No, I didn't choose to walk in peace every moment.  I allowed fear to creep in and begin to take root more than once!  I was truly afraid!  But God's Spirit was at work in me.  I had His Word in my mind and heart, and continued to drink it in.  Peace.  I had past experiences, awful ones that God had redeemed, to remember and cherish.  Peace.  I was making an effort, when I remembered, to choose joy in the midst of pain and to wholeheartedly trust God to do what He knew was best.  Peace.  We had family and friends who prayed faithfully and took time to encourage and support us. Peace.

We had the Truth on our side.  Sweet peace!

Sometimes peace is a feeling that all is perfect in a single moment, like on a quiet, cloud-watching summer afternoon.  We should enjoy and savor those times!  But real peace comes when it's the hardest to choose it.  That's when we need it most.  But we need to prepare for it before we need it!  Filling our minds with God's Word, praying earnestly for peace, and choosing to live peacefully day by day, minute by minute, will prepare us for experiencing peace in the hardest of times!

The Very Words of God

"For certain individuals whose condemnation was written about long ago have secretly slipped in among you.  They are ungodly people who pervert the grace of our God into a license for immorality and deny Jesus Christ our only Sovereign and Lord."  Jude 4

One of the several things I have learned the hard way over the past few years is that heresy is rampant, including in places you wouldn't expect to find it.  A typical American can probably not go through a day without witnessing it in one form or another.  It isn't new to us.  Maybe we even become a bit "immune" to its effects after awhile.

What has shocked me to the core is some of the sources of false teaching.  People I know personally, people I don't know but have trusted in the past (I mean "famous" Christians, I guess) . . . formerly solid-in-their-faith individuals, or seemingly so, who have wandered into dangerous territory.

Now, before I go on, I want to assure you I'm not talking about anyone at SGC.  It's very important to me that you know I'm not talking about anyone you probably know personally.

But maybe you have your own acquaintances or famous people whose opinions you respected in the past but seem to have gone off the deep end theologically.  If not, you and the people in your life are extra blessed!  But let us remain vigilant . . .

And the words of the Lord are flawless, like silver refined in a furnace of clay, purified seven times. Psalm 12:6

The heresy flying here, there, and everywhere is one of the main reasons we need to keep learning.  It is not safe to take our eyes off the Word of God.  Satan often begins his deceptions subtly, and we can slowly become swayed from the path if we allow false teaching to go unchecked.  Pretty soon we could be so deceived that we become heretics ourselves, not even seeing our errors.  My heart aches to even think of being in that state.  May it never be--for any of us!

First Corinthians 5:6 reminds us that a little leaven affects the whole lump of dough.  In other words, if we tolerate sin and/or false teaching in small amounts, it will affect the whole local church where it isn't nipped in the bud.  Or, as many of us have probably witnessed, it can take over one person's life, spilling over onto his or her family, friends and acquaintances, poisoning those who don't know or aren't paying attention.

The only way to recognize the counterfeit is to know the real thing.  The Truth.  The Bible.  And the only way to know it is to read and study it faithfully!

There are so many excuses not to.  Believe me, I've used quite a few of them over the years.  "I don't have time."  "I can't decide what part to read or where to start."  "It's hard to understand, so why bother?"

An awesome opportunity to throw away the excuses and dig in to the Word is through a group Bible study.  Sugar Grove Church has several times and studies available for women in the fall and again after the holidays.  There's something for everyone!  Participating in a group study provides us with accountability, inspiration and help in understanding what we're studying.  I have been attending the Precepts study for years and love everything about it.  One great thing about meeting together with other believing ladies after we have done our homework is that the discussion helps me understand things I may have had trouble with on my own.  There's no shame in asking for help or learning from others!

If for some reason you just can't make a Bible study group, maybe there's one person you can pair up with.  But, in any case, we need to be studying our Bibles, even if it's alone.  There are tools online (one of my favorites is e-Sword) or available for purchase that can help us understand and get the most out of what we are studying--the very words of God!

All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2 Tim 3:16-17